LGBTQ+ family building
Deciding to start a family is such an exciting time. Wherever you’re at on the path to parenthood, you likely have questions. Maybe you’re wondering what family building options are available for LGBTQ+ families. Or what cost or legal considerations you need to think about. Let’s help you get answers, so you can begin or continue your parenthood journey with support and confidence.
What are my options for LGBTQ+ family building?
You have a variety of options to consider when it comes to growing your family. Get an overview of how each option works. This can help you think about which one might be right for you, whether you’re building a family on your own or with a partner.
This is often the starting point for LGBTQ+ people looking to conceive. Gay or same-sex male couples may use eggs from a donor and fertilize with either partner’s sperm. Similarly, lesbian or same-sex female couples can use donated sperm to fertilize an egg from either partner. Or, an individual can use a donor egg and/or sperm for surrogacy or to carry their own pregnancy. Donors can be anonymous (from a donor egg bank or sperm bank) or someone you choose, like a friend or family member.1
A type of artificial insemination, IUI involves inserting sperm directly into the uterus. It is a minimally invasive procedure. Same-sex female couples or individuals with female reproductive organs may want to consider starting with this option using donor sperm, as it tends to cost less than other conception methods.1
An option for lesbian couples or couples who have female reproductive organs, reciprocal IVF is a way for both partners to share in the family building experience. The eggs of one partner are harvested and fertilized (inseminated with sperm) to create an embryo. Then, that embryo is transferred to the uterus of the other partner, who carries the baby.2,3
A gestational surrogate carries a pregnancy using an egg and sperm that is not their own. This person does not have a genetic link to the baby. Couples who choose this path to parenthood typically need to use donor eggs,4 but gay couples or couples who have male reproductive organs can use their own sperm. IVF is used for conception for gestational surrogacy.4
Adoption is a popular option for many LGBTQ+ families. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, same-sex couples are 4 times more likely than opposite-sex couples to have adopted children or stepchildren.5 You have multiple options when it comes to adopting:
- Private adoption: This involves working with a licensed adoption agency to adopt a child within the U.S. Another option some people choose is an independent private adoption. With this kind of adoption, you work directly with an attorney during the adoption process instead of an agency.6
- International adoption: If you wish to adopt a child from a different country than your home country, it’s considered international adoption. This option can be more complex and costly since additional legal work with immigration services is needed.6 It’s also important to note that the laws in certain countries may not allow adoption by same-sex or LGBTQ+ couples.7
- Foster-to-adopt: Also known as public adoption, this type of adoption happens through a state-funded foster care system. When circumstances don’t allow a foster child to be reunited with their birth parent, foster parents may be able to adopt the child in their care.7
Compare the costs of LGBTQ+ paths to parenthood
Because the options for LGBTQ+ family building tend to be more complex, they also tend to come with higher costs. Here’s an average estimate of what your options might cost — the actual cost will be unique to you and your family.
Method |
Cost |
|---|---|
| IUI8 |
|
| IVF8 |
|
| Reciprocal IVF8 |
|
| Surrogacy4 |
|
| Adoption6 |
|
Are there options to help make LGBTQ+ family building affordable?
Fortunately, some employers offer benefits that may help cover some of the costs of family building options like IVF and adoption. Check your benefits to see what your employer may offer. If you have a health savings account (HSA), you may be able to use those funds to cover certain expenses. Taking out a loan can also be an option.
Another option worth exploring is grants. These provide financial support to help offset the costs of having a baby. Many grants are open to both individuals and couples. Family Equality has a list of LGBTQ+ family building grant opportunities you may be able to apply for.9
What to know about LGBTQ+ family building laws
Laws, policies and legislative initiatives affecting LGBTQ+ families vary widely by state. The Movement Advancement Project provides a useful tool to help you find information about the issues that may impact your family. View state-specific nondiscrimination laws, relationship and parental recognition laws, LGBTQ youth laws and policies, and more.
Why is seeking legal advice important for LGBTQ+ family building?
For many LGBTQ+ families, one or both parents may not have a biological link to their child. In these circumstances, you’ll need to secure legal parentage. This often involves going through the adoption process.10 For example:
- You might adopt a child through a private adoption agency or the child welfare system (foster-to-adopt)
- If you’re blending families, you can use adoption to create legal ties between a stepparent and a child
- If your partner had a baby using a sperm or egg donor, a second-parent adoption ensures you’re also legally recognized as a parent11
There are similar considerations for surrogacy too. That’s why it’s important to work with an attorney experienced in LGBTQ+ family law. They can help guide you through laws and all the steps needed to establish legal parentage to protect your family. To find an attorney near you, visit the LGBTQ+ Bar Association to view a directory of family law attorneys by state.12
How do I get started if I’m ready to begin building my family?
While the path to LGBTQ+ parenthood may seem overwhelming at times, there are resources to help you every step of the way. Here are some suggestions for starting your family building journey:7
- Talk with other families. As you begin to research your family building options, consider talking with families who’ve already been through the process. You’re likely to get helpful tips and insight from someone who’s already navigated their way through LGBTQ+ family building.
- Connect with support groups. Leaning on others going through the same experiences can be a great way to find support and build community. Family Equality offers virtual peer support groups for LGBTQ+ families that you may want to explore.
- Find LGBTQ+ friendly providers. Feeling safe, supported and seen is essential as you begin this journey. If you’re planning on IVF or other assisted reproduction, make sure your clinic or doctor has experience working with LGBTQ+ couples and families.
- Prioritize self-care. The family-building journey can have ups and downs. Some days may be joyful, while others may be stressful. Be kind to yourself. Making time to care for your physical well-being and mental health may help the process feel more manageable.
Need to find an LGBTQ+ friendly provider?
If you’re a UnitedHealthcare member, view our network of health care providers. Select the “LGBTQ supportive” filter to find LGBTQ+ friendly doctors.