Instrumental music plays. White text centers a colorful, geometric background.
ONSCREEN TEXT: IMPACT ON EDUCATION
Foundation for Boulder Valley Schools
Colorful text appears above black text on a white background.
ONSCREEN TEXT: A COMMUNITY CONVERSATION:
ONSCREEN TEXT: SUPPORTING THE MENTAL HEALTH
OF OUR YOUTH
The music fades. A panel of five people sit on an auditorium stage. The host, Marc Neely, speaks to an unseen audience. Subtitles appear at the bottom of the screen throughout.
MARC: Good evening and thank you for joining us. I think like many of you, we probably have mixed emotions about being here tonight. I wish we didn’t have to be here, but I’m glad we are here. I’m glad we’re here together. I appreciate what Impact on Education is doing tonight to sponsor this event, to have a community conversation about supporting the mental health of our youth.
Text appears within colorful bars beneath Marc as he speaks.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Marc Neely
CEO, UnitedHealthcare of Colorado and Wyoming
MARC: There’s nothing more important. I have the good fortune of managing United Health Care’s health plan in Colorado, and I’m here in that capacity. However, I will say that I think I’m more here as a concerned parent like Rob was talking about earlier. I have three kids who are now in their twenties, but we raised them here in Colorado. They had experiences with the pandemic. They have had experiences with social media, things that I did not experience when I was growing up in the seventies and eighties. It’s a very, very different time. So I’m here as a parent, but I’m also here as a student.
A woman sitting to the left of Marc speaks.
ALANA: My name is Dr. Alana Morales, and I am the principal of Boulder High School, and I am here because I’ve been in education now for over 25 years.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Dr. Alana Morales
Principal, Boulder High School
ALANA: And unfortunately, not only have I had students that I have lost over the years, but as a parent, I have two kids of my own and my oldest had very, very severe mental health issues. And so I have been that parent where you wake up in the middle of the night to go check and see if they’re okay. I have had the crisis calls and the trips to the hospital and all – all of the above. So I have unfortunately experienced this from a parenting side of things and also an education side of things. And so my purpose in being here is to show support and to help others, because it is really hard and we’re all in this together. So thank you for being here tonight.
She turns to her left with a smile, and the woman beside her speaks.
MAYA: I’m Maya. I graduated from Boulder High School in 2021.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Maya
Alum, Boulder Valley School District
MAYA: I have struggled with my mental health a lot, as have my peers, and I graduated during the pandemic. So I’ve been a teenager throughout, throughout a lot of global events, as well as a lot of political turmoil. And so I’ve struggled with my mental health due to personal reasons, as well as a lot of these larger events that have been going on, both in the community and in the world.
The man to Maya’s left speaks.
CHRIS: I’m Chris Uhlig and I’m a parent at BVSD, and I’m also a suicide loss survivor.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Chris Uhlig
Suicide Loss Survivor
Boulder Valley School Parent
CHRIS: I lose or we as a family lost our son in 2000 and he was 16 years old. And I’m here to spread the awareness to make sure that mental health is not an issue that gets swept under the carpet or that no one talks about. I’m here to make sure that people start talking about it.
The woman to Chris’s left taps a microphone on her lapel.
KIM: Let’s see. Is mine working? No? Yes?
Members of the audience respond.
AUDIENCE: Yes.
KIM: You think so? OK. Thank you. I’m Kim Nordstrom.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Dr. Kimberly Nordstrom
Chief Medical Officer
Rocky Mountain Health Plans
KIM: I am an Emergency Psychiatrist. So what is that? That’s a physician who works – works in the emergency departments helping people that are having mental health crises. My other job is as the Chief Medical Officer of Rocky Mountain Health Plans, which is a United Healthcare company. But my most important role is that of a mom of a teenager. Why am I here tonight?
Her mic cuts out, and Chris passes her a microphone.
KIM: So I guess. All right. Why am I here tonight? When people see me as their provider, as their doctor, it is on their worst day. And if I can help by being part of this awesome panel, if I can help one family not have to go through this, one family not have to see me in the ED, that’s why I’m here tonight.
MARC: Thank you. As we transition to the questions here, I'm just going to level set with some kind of alarming stats.
Colorful text centers a white background.
ONSCREEN TEXT: 1 in 6 youth between 6-17
experience mental health disorder
MARC: First of all, one in six youth between the ages of 6 and 17 experience a mental health disorder each year. One ins six.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Half of mental health conditions
start by age 14
MARC: And half of all mental health conditions start by age 14. It's really amazing how early these issues are starting, and you'd think it's high school, but it's middle school, it's elementary school, and the numbers are alarming.
KIM: As I was preparing for tonight, I looked at some literature and I thought there were two particular studies that were relevant to tonight, and there's been a number of studies since COVID about teen mental health. But these two in particular, they were surveys that I thought would kind of get our discussion going. One is the state of student mental health, and that was a survey of administrators, teachers, school counselors and mental health professionals in the school.
ONSCREEN TEXT: 84% of school leaders and
mental health professionals
agreed that teens are more
stressed than in the past
KIM: And 84% either agreed or strongly agreed that teens are much more stressed out than in previous years. The other survey I found was a survey of teenagers.
ONSCREEN TEXT: 70% of teens say that
anxiety and depression
are major concerns
KIM: And in that survey, teens said 70% of teens said that anxiety and depression are the major concerns that affect their peers. Now that way outscored bullying, drug use, teen pregnancy, alcohol use… Those used to rise to the top. And now anxiety and depression are there. Here in Colorado, in 2021, you know the pandemic had swept through. We were already having -- we were already seeing some trends that that, that as professionals, we were really uncomfortable with. We were seeing the rise of mental health issues with our youth from many factors. You may have heard the saying it's always darkest before the dawn. And I think that's what we've been in. We've been in this just terribly dark period. But things have happened. There have been improvements. So let's talk a little bit about that. So since 2021, what has happened? Well, I'm sure you've seen on TV that the national government, as well as state governments, have really freed up funds for mental health and specifically for youth mental health. So parents, parents largely feel that they're alone in this, right? When your kid is suffering. You just want to help. You want to make it better. You want to be able to put that Band-Aid on and make it all better. And when it comes to mental health, you may not have been taught yourself how to have those conversations, how to make it better. And so it's very overwhelming and it's quite isolating. And so the one key of tonight, the theme that you will hear again and again and again, is that it takes the full community to support your youth. You are not alone.
MARC: Thank you Dr. Nordstrom, I appreciate that. Question for principal Morales: many parents in our audience have asked what some of the influence on our children's mental health may be. As an educator, what do you see weighing most heavily on students: social media, bullying, pressure to succeed? What do you see, Dr. Morales?
ALANA: All of the above is really what I would say, you know and Dr. Nordstrom really spoke to this. When we were younger -- And you think about middle school since, you know, aptly, we’re here in the middle school right now. Think about the things that stressed you out. You know, it was what do my friends think, you know, are they talking about me? Am I going to pass this test? And so those things are still impacting our students today, but it's exponential because now we've added in the anonymous or, you know, with social media and the ability to have conversations with anyone, anywhere which can be good or bad.
MAYA: I definitely agree with you with all of that. And I think a big thing about being able to find support, especially from our parents and from our mentors and our teachers -- I think a big factor in that is communication and probably like your guys' generation understanding that you don't understand to the same extent that we do, especially when it comes to social media, that's kind of just a layer of communication that is going to exist regardless, positive or negative. And your kid is going to interact with it and you might not know how. And so it's a good conversation to open up to find out how they're using it, how it's helpful, how it's not helpful, kind of just what's happening. And then when it comes to the pandemic and a lot of recent social events and things happening in the world right now, I think some of the things that have been kind of a negative impact is, I think when you're struggling with how your mental health is being affected by these really large things and then you're hearing them get politicized, I think that can make it really hard to express that you are struggling with it, because now there's this whole other layer of someone's opinion on the how and the why, but it doesn't change the fact that you might still be struggling with the simple fact that it's happening.
ALANA: And if I can piggyback off of what you're saying, first of all, I don't know about anybody in the audience, but I would have never said this at this age. Like, it just, you know, what we were aware of at the same age is completely different. And I think one of the things I've noticed is that as adults, when we look at these new communication tools, yeah, you know, we didn't talk to people through Facebook or I mean, T9 texting? Parents? How many of you remember that? And, you know, it's different now. And as adults, we have to be the ones to understand that it is different for our kids. It doesn't mean their experience has to be like our experience. You can still put boundaries on these things without thinking that they're bad or evil. It's a tool and a tool can be used for good or evil. And so, I do think that's a really, really important point. And you know, and when, when kids are coming through the front office, if it's something that's related to social media, because that's a big topic right now, you know, it's not don't use it because let's be honest, that's never going to happen. But how do you use it in an appropriate way? That's where the lesson is. So that was a great point.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Maya
Alum, Boulder Valley School District
MAYA: I'd also say it's important, that like my generation might understand like those sorts of things a little bit better, but I think we're also very overwhelmed and confused a lot of the time. And so that can be good common ground to start a lot of these conversations is that like your kid is probably also not completely sure of what's happening around them. And so it can be a good place to start talking
ONSCREEN TEXT: Dr. Alana Morales
Principal, Boulder High School
ALANA: And they think they have to know. That's the part that that adds that stress, is you know, they hear all these things because it's everywhere. It's all over. Whatever feed it is, whether it's TikTok, Snapchat, whatever. And I wonder if teens feel like they do have to have that figured out or it's piled on with the academic stress, the social stress, the parental stress, the friend stress. I mean, the stress, the stressors that our kids are facing now are unprecedented compared to what we faced as kids.
MARC: Appreciate that and amazing wisdom there, Maya. Thank you.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Marc Neely
CEO, UnitedHealthcare of Colorado and Wyoming
MARC: Chris. I'd like to come to you. I'm going to kind of piggyback off the pandemic. Maybe you could include some commentary that references that specifically. But the question would be our state, Colorado, ranks 46th in the nation when looking at the number of children that are flourishing. And Chris, your loss is impactful to all of us. I really appreciate your, your courage and the mission that you're on to be out and be public about that. Thank you. What advice do you share with other parents on talking to their kids and normalizing conversations about mental health at home?
CHRIS: Well, um, you know, maybe I start, uh, a step back that what we experienced was a little different, so we did not have the, um, the child that was actually struggling openly.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Chris Uhlig
Suicide Loss Survivor
Boulder Valley School Parent
CHRIS: We had a child that was struggling internally and no one knew about it. And when I look at that, then it's, you know, you go to the doctor, you know, the doctor asks you, do you have any history of cancer in your family? But the doctor doesn't ask, do you have any history of mental health in your family, mental health problems in your family? And I think that aspect, if you take that to--we talked about the schools, but take that into the family and take that into the community. If we overcome the stigma of mental health and basically just openly talk about it and a way of doing that would be if you have struggles in your family, then you take that and you start talking to your children about it and you start talking at an earlier age about it. It's a normal thing. We didn't grow up that way. And so it's hard for us to do that, but we need to be doing that for our children, and we need to mentor them in that way. Right so one of the the, the craziest things that I've experienced now is because we are as a family, my wife and my other two children, one older and one younger. The younger one is not as involved, but the older one is. We're going out there and we're having these conversations. And when we have these conversations, people start to actually come to us and they start to open up. And if I don't talk about it, no one will come to me and actually talk about it and open up. And that is powerful.
ALANA: And if I could add one thing to what you're saying, our teens, our kids are talking about it. They talk, I mean, they talk about it amongst themselves.
MAYA: Some of the things that were most impactful to me as a teenager were having trusted adults both in and outside of my family who are struggling, struggling with their mental health and being able to see them get through like times of crisis and like be medicated or seek help and then keep doing the things that they love and keep working and keep having a life was so important and vital because it allowed me to really see that even if you're really struggling with something like there are things on the other side of that and you can like move through that and seek help and that it's not, like it doesn't have to be shameful and it doesn't have to be a whole thing. And I like that you bring up the history of cancer kind of stuff because it is it's a health issue. It's mental health, physical health, but they're both health issues.
MARC: Well, that's a great point. Thank you Maya. Doctor Nordstrom, I'm going to come back to you. Some parents worry that asking their kids about depression or suicide will put an idea in their heads. Is that a valid concern? You know, at what age should we start talking to our children about mental health?
ONSCREEN TEXT: Dr. Kimberly Nordstrom
Chief Medical Officer
Rocky Mountain Health Plans
KIM: Well, the first question really is, is it a valid concern? Is it a reasonable concern that and asking about suicide, do you plant those seeds that then later fulminate into something? In the studies over and over and over and over again showed that that's not the case. It does not plant a seed. So it may be a reasonable concern, but it is unfounded. Okay? So if that takes a little bit of of your your worry away. The other thing that these studies, a couple of the studies showed was that it actually relieved stress from the person who was experiencing suicidal thoughts because it opened the door to talk about it because the question was asked. What age? Well, mental health conversations. They don't have to be an event. It's not like the s-e-x talk. Right? That's an event. Popcorn, the whole nine yards, right? That's the most stressful. You know, I think early childhood education has really been forward thinking in the last 15, 20 years early childhood education has really worked in terms of teaching children about emotions, learning to put words to emotion so that you’re less likely to, to act out an emotion, not understanding it. Going a little deeper… my poor son. Yeah again, I have a teenage son. My poor son gets to have a mental health question every day. But that mental health question, I'm not sitting there as the psychiatrist, you know, doing hmmm… It's all your mom's fault. No, I don't do that. Well, especially not my fault, right? No, I say, and I'm sure you've never asked your child this. How was your day? Right? That is how you do it. You do it just by coming in. You're coming in obliquely, right? You're not coming head on, you know. You know, you look upset. Now you get to that. How is your day, huh? You don't -- you don't seem as happy as normal. Is something going on? You don't want to talk about it? Okay, how about… how about we talk about it in 15 minutes? You don't have to talk about it now, but how about we talk about it -- let's set a time to talk about it. And you just keep gently, touching on it. So I would just say my biggest piece of advice is you just keep gently doing it. Don't allow yourself to be shut down, but don't shut it down. Because many times when we want to have those those conversations with our teen, it's because we found something. Right? Am I the only one who’s found something? Either a text or something in the room or whatever. And you may be frustrated. You may have all these -- your own emotions going on. So it's important that you check your current mental state. You have your own timeout period before you engage with your child, because the quickest way to shut down the conversation is for you to come in aggressively. Because then the child, the teen, will become defensive and game over.
MARC: Yeah. The next question kind of transitioning off of your point there, Dr. Nordstrom, and I would open this up to anyone. I'm thinking about myself. You know, the importance of parents addressing their own mental health and just the willingness to be vulnerable. That we all, even though we're the parents and we're supposed to be the rock and the, you know, the one that looked to mom and dad, they must be fearless. And the reality is we're not. But how important is it to address their own, the parents, to address their own mental health challenges, to support their children, and really do it in in the spirit of transparency and authenticity and even in the context of is there something that's hereditary about it?
KIM: The first thing I'd say is, has anyone flown? Ever been on an airplane? Okay. What do you what did you learn on the airplane? What do you do with the mask? Do you put the mask on the person next to you first? No, you're no good to the person next to you if you're not doing OK. So be thinking about it that way. Right? It is hard for me to really help others if I'm not in a good place to help others.
CHRIS: I'll pick up on the hereditary because again, it was a surprise for us, and we knew a little bit of some history, but very limited. After the fact, so after Johnny's suicide, we found out, you know, the family came to us and we found out that they were actually a lot more problems in the family than we'd ever known. And, you know, and now, obviously, you look back and you're like, oh, man, if we would have known, right? Maybe we could have had that conversation. But coming from the standpoint where I am now opening that conversation, digging a little bit in the family, is there anything that, just like cancer? It helps to then say, oh, I haven't actually an opening because my uncle, you know, my aunt, whatever, granddad, someone had a problem and I can take that to my children and talk to them about it.
MARC: What signs or symptoms should a parent or trusted adult be looking for if they suspect a child is at risk?
ALANA: That's a tough one because as we've heard, sometimes there aren't signs. And so I think you have to kind of be -- It really comes down to this holistic view of everything from my personal my personal kid, it was changes in personality, you know, changes in how our interactions went as parent to kid, changes in their school if they're suddenly having a lot of trouble at school. And trouble can mean different things for different kids. Some may act out, some may stop talking, you know, some may do really poorly and stop turning in all their homework and others may react differently. And so I think from an educational standpoint, it's when you have those dramatic shifts. But I think it goes back to that conversation about having the conversations with your kids, because they may not open up the very first time or the 27th time or the 100th time you ask them, you know. But by them seeing that it's OK that to talk about it and by seeing that you're not giving up, you know, if you're going to keep asking and maybe one day they'll feel comfortable enough.
MARC: Dr. Nordstrom, I'm going to switch gears real quick here, but you mentioned resiliency earlier, So we've got about five or six minutes to respond to this and maybe make some closing remarks. But I think resiliency is something that something we really should touch on tonight. So if you'd like to address that, that would be nice.
KIM: All right. We could spend an hour, 2 hours, a whole day -- we could do a program just on resiliency. But since I rudely wasn't given all that time, Google the Seven C’s of Resiliency. All right. I'm going to quickly tell you what the Seven C’s are and we could talk about each of them, but I'm just going to highlight a couple of them. I brought my trusty paper because I sure I would miss one of the seven.
ONSCREEN TEXT: SEVEN C’s of Resilience:
confidence
competence
connection
character
contribution
coping
control
Kim: So we have confidence, competence. Competence is communication. Being able to self-advocate. Connection. I talked about that earlier. Character. That's core values, sense of self. Contribution. That is a sense of meaning, which then gives you a sense, again, of that connectedness. Coping strategies. How to deal with stress. Actually teaching your kiddo. So the big test that's coming up or that big project, you know, actually showing walking through how to deal with the stress of that by breaking it down into parts or whatever, kids are able to generalize some of those things as they're dealing with other stress. And then control. Those are your Seven C's. Each of those are kind of inherent pieces of being human, so they all can exist here. And so it's really as a parent, finding ways to help your child with confidence, to help your child learn how to effectively advocate for self, right? To support healthy connectivity, each of those things. And, and we really do have a role as parents in that, but so does the community. Anyone else want to talk about resiliency?
MAYA: Yeah, I would say a huge thing to me is like if you're not creating space for your kid to have emotional conversations and like practice these kinds of things in your house, it's going to be happening elsewhere. And the other places that might be happening might have higher stakes for those things. And so if you are providing your kid with that space, then it's practice. And you can think of it like literally just like that. You can help them like practice these conversations, practice setting boundaries and doing all of these different things. And then when they go out into the world, they're going to be a little bit better equipped.
KIM: Brilliant.
MARC: Fantastic. It's a great segue to kind of wrapping here. And thank you so much for your insights. I’d just like to ask each of you for one final, encouraging word. You know, let's finish off with some hope here. So…
ALANA: First, I would just like to say thank you. I think by being here, you've shown what your commitment is to your your kiddos mental health. And I think that's everything. Know that the schools are committed to helping you as well. And so if you're worried about having that conversation the wrong way or awkwardly, tell your kid that they'll still appreciate it. You know, if you say, I don't know if I'm doing this right, but we're going to give it a shot is better than nothing. So just know we're a partner in that and just know that we we really do want to support those efforts.
MAYA: I definitely say, like going back to the very beginning, like emphasizing connection and community, like that's kind of going to be the best preventative care because if your kid has those connections and they have resources, they have people to talk to and they have places where they can feel supported, validated and heard. And like a lot of the things that have helped me when I was struggling, were having those kinds of spaces.
CHRIS: And open up. Like so those, um, the community, you know, if, if you just meet and then you talk about, I don't know, how did you do in soccer? So then that doesn't really help or lead anywhere. But it's, it's taking down the stigma and opening up and saying, hey, mental health is just a topic like any other topic, like, you know, watching a TV show or whatever. We need to be able to talk about it in the community, amongst peers, teens, in school, in the family, and then outside of the school too, or outside of the school and the family that that daily life, wherever you are, it might be church, it might be something else.
KIM: Seeing your kiddos suffer is overwhelming. So put on your mask, take a timeout, and engage. If you're leading with curiosity and if you're leading with love, you can't go wrong. Just keep engaging. The community is here to help you. Primary care physician, pediatrician, the school. We have all these organizations in the community that are right there trying to lean in also. So all you have to do is take that first step. Put on your mask. Step one.
MARC: Our intention has been to help kind of fuel some conversations, to kind of frame how those conversations can begin and the importance that we do it as just sort of a regular part of our routine. Make it feel natural, be vulnerable. And hopefully that's occurred here in this discussion. Our next panel is going to talk a little bit more about programs and solutions, things that are going on right here in the school system, in your community, and in our health care system as well.
Ambient music plays. The Impact On Education website is shown. Text appears beside it.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Find Mental Health Support
ONSCREEN TEXT: Colorado Resources
for Student Well-Being
ONSCREEN TEXT: impactoneducaton.org/mental-health/
A man sits interviewing in an empty classroom.
MAN 1: I always talked to parents about the push and pull, where our kids will say, no, go away, leave me alone. But in reality, they really don't want us to leave them alone. They want us to hug them, to hold them, to be in their lives. And we just need to consistently be there talking to them and put our phones down and have the real conversations with them
A woman sits interviewing before a blurred background.
WOMAN 1: I hope that folks that are watching or that are attending this conversation and seeing the panelists tonight, if anything, I hope they take away skills or at least something that they can take home tonight to start to have conversations with their young people, whether it's a conversation starter, whether it's checking out a new resource that they didn't know was available to them, or most importantly, reflecting inside. And how are you feeling? How are you doing?
The music fades. A panel of six people sit on stage in an auditorium.
PATRICK: I'm Patrick Gordon. I'm the CEO at Rocky Mountain Health Plans. We're part of the United Healthcare enterprise here in Colorado.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Patrick Gordon
Moderator
CEO, Rocky Mountain Health Plans, CO
PATRICK: We serve about 300,000 people in the Medicare, Medicaid and individual markets and access to behavioral health and most specifically, youth access to the services and supports that they need has been a top priority for us as long as I can remember. So I'm going to introduce our second esteemed panel tonight. We're going to talk about what families can do, where they can turn, when they need help or they don't – not sure what to do. We're going to talk about how we can make our systems work better, how we can improve the number of behavioral health providers participating, and number of providers who are able and willing and well positioned to support kids at the time they need it most, where they need it most. First with me is Greg McDonald.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Greg McDonald
Wellness Center Counselor, Monarch High School
PATRICK: His preferred pronouns are he and him. He's been a school counselor for 18 years now and he's currently at the helm of monarchs – Monarch High’s new wellness center. He was sharing with me just before we came on that the center that he's worked to launch at Monarch High School has had over 7,000 encounters since the inception of the school year. That's incredible. We're also joined tonight by Jordan Goto. Welcome.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Jordan Goto
Health and Wellness Coordinator
Boulder Valley School District
PATRICK: Her preferred pronouns are she and her. She is the current Wealth and Wellness Coordinator for Boulder Valley School District. Has a passion for providing comprehensive physical and behavioral health services to students. We can't separate emotional well-being from physical well-being. We can't separate families from schools and communities. Also on our panel tonight, we've got Darci Harvey.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Darci Harvey
Director, Integrated Behavioral Health
Centura
PATRICK: Darci’s pronouns are she and her. She's a licensed clinical social worker and Director of Integrated Behavioral Health with Centura. Again, integration is so important because we need to get services to where people are. She's worked at, for the last, uh-- worked for over 25 years in the field, the last 12 of which were at Children's Hospital providing crisis assessments, crisis assessments for youth in the emergency department. We have Anna Kim with us tonight.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Anna Kim
Board Member, NAMI Boulder
PATRICK: Anna's pronouns are she and her. She's a board member for NAMI, the National Association on Mental Illness here in Boulder. She's incredibly passionate about providing support, education and advocacy for families impacted by mental illness and for the ongoing fight against stigma in our culture. Okay. I'm going to go ahead and I'm missing one of my—
Patrick flips through his prepared notes.
PATRICK: I'm going to let you introduce yourself.
JENNA: Okay. Thank you. Hi, everyone. My name is Janet Blanchard, and I'm the executive director for Rise Against Suicide.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Jenna Clinchard
Executive Director, Rise Against Suicide
JENNA: And I am here tonight because I have a true and deep passion for helping youth that are struggling with their mental health and specifically when they're struggling with suicidal ideation. I have two kiddos that have both-- they both have mental health challenges. I have one that came pretty close and we had to have a really hard conversation. So when this position came into my life in 2019, I knew that this is where I needed to be.
PATRICK: You know, parents play a vital role in supporting their kids, but they're not the only one. Parents can't single-handedly take this on themselves. What role do the rest of us need to play both within the school and around it, to support parents who are trying to help their kids?
JENNA: Going through it as a parent and in speaking with parents every day who are seeking help for their kids, I think we have to stop the judgment, judgment of each other around our kids' mental health. Everybody has a mental health challenge and we all talk about that. And I think we have to lift one another up as parents and support one another and realize that we're all in this together. We have to talk about suicide now, even amongst us as parents and become comfortable with it so we can communicate with our kids. And listen. Just, we have to start listening to one another. And learning from one another, because I think that's how we can help our kids heal. And that's how we can learn to take the conversation to them.
ANNA: Chris said it so eloquently before around stigma. I mean, I was the first generation to openly talk about the mental health issues that faced our family, and we have many, many in our family. I lost two brothers to suicide and it was never, never talked about. So I think this conversation needs to start happening. And I am so happy that our generation is talking. And I always tell kids, like it's awful the stigma that exists because it's really, really challenging. But the nice thing about stigma or the great thing about stigma is all you have to do is talk about it and it goes away.
DARCI: And I would add, I think we just need one trusted adult. So if it's a neighbor, a coach, a teacher, a counselor, an aunt, an uncle. If there's one place someone has to go that's safe, free of judgment, and someone truly hears and you don't feel alone, right? Because stigma goes away. Because it's not just me and loneliness leads to depression.
JORDAN: Well, I just want to take a moment to pause, because you all are here. Whatever challenges you had to overcome to be here today and to listen, I just wanted to commend everyone who's in the audience today.
The panel applauds.
JORDAN: Because being open and being receptive to the information that we're sharing today is the first step and our students are crying for us to be listening and to be able to educate ourselves.
GREG: Not just the fact that you're here, but when you walk out that door, talk to your family members. Talk to your neighbors, talk to your friends. And that's how we spread this message, because we could do this every night and fill this up and it's still not enough. We're trying to be there strong for our kids while also dealing with our own things. And then kudos to all of you youth in the background, all of our CU football players. Nice job.
A group of student athletes sit together in the auditorium.
GREG: And I'm going to challenge all of you back there to be open to talk about, because stereotypically our athletes, our athletics, we don't talk about this stuff. You've got to be tough. You've got to be hard on the field. And we're all dealing with our own stuff. It's not a weakness. So look out for each other, see people on campus, see people in our community. And let's keep talking about this.
PATRICK: My next question is going to go to Jordan. And, you know, the schools are playing a critical role here, really patching resources together, working to build capacity. So, Jordan, what are some of the steps that Boulder Valley has taken to build capacity and access for youth?
JORDAN: I think Maya said it really well earlier. Kids are talking about this. They're learning this stuff in school. They're talking about it with their peers. They're talking about it with trusted adults. This is just second nature for them. And so bringing that curriculum into the schools is one way, but it's really also being able to be the bridge to provide resources for parents. So that way parents can have access to resources themselves, but also for their young people in case they need those. And then also we have many, many amazing, great partners in the community that we also lean on because it really does take a village. So just as much as you would reach out to them, we would reach out to them, too. So we utilize all of it.
PATRICK: Greg, again, you've had an incredible number of students seek services at Monarch. What are some of the concerns they bring up and how do you suggest that parents or educators, anyone in their day and in their world, respond and support.
GREG: You know, first, I want to say, our kids are amazing. I mean, every day the conversations that I have with them, I overhear, and they are changing the world. I mean, when I was a youth, I, we would never have thought about doing a walkout to get our voices heard. And we just had that the other day and that, like, organized by our kids.
The audience applauds.
GREG: Yeah. This generation, I feel like we're in good hands. Just the other day, I overheard a bunch of kids talking in our Wellness Center. So I'm piloting a Wellness Center at Monarch High School that's been so successful that impact on education is raising funds to have one in each of our high schools, each of our comprehensive high schools, which is huge. And the kids were talking. And one kid is like, I'm feeling so stressed about my test and and I feel stressed all the time. And this other kid goes, hey, I've got a good therapist you should talk to. And they're open to talk about it, which is so amazing. Like, there's not that fear of, Oh my god, I'm seeing this therapist. It's, hey, this person really helps me out. They'd be great for you. So asking those questions, looking at the whole like perspective of where this is coming from, if things are going on, talking to the school, we can't know everything going on. We need to -- you've heard about we’re a community. We are. It takes a village to raise a child. We need to have that open line of communication. And I think that's key that we are all working together. We're not working against each other, we're working together for our kids. And that I think that's the biggest thing we need to keep in mind.
JENNA: Colorado passed a law in 2020 that allows children 12 years and older to sign for their own mental health, which may sound super scary to let your child sign for their own mental health, but letting them know that could save a life, could help them get their own mental health care. And I can pretty much promise if they seek out their own mental health care, ultimately they will come back to you. But letting them know that that's a resource that they can take advantage of, if they don't feel like they can talk to you, not because you've done anything wrong, but simply because that's where they're at in their life right now.
GREG: When I talk to parents, there's this push-pull. Our kids say, leave me alone, I want my space. And they seem to push us away. And the worst thing we can do is just say, OK, you're on your own. Because in in other words, they're saying, leave me alone, but I still want you there. Like there. It's that push, pull. Still give me that hug. And so we've got to remember to keep talking and keep being in their lives, even if they keep pushing us away.
JENNA: Chris, from the previous panel, his wife always says, when you ask your child how they're doing, stop, let them share, and then when they finish, say, tell me more. Just as easy as that. Just tell me more about that. Wow and those simple words can sometimes just get them to engage with you.
PATRICK: Yeah, that is such wonderful guidance. And really, if you think about it, kids are just starting a lifelong journey in navigating systems, navigating their own emotional well-being and the things they need, and just practicing the opportunity, practicing not making assumptions. Maybe recognize that the situation is more complicated than it seem. That you can't always fix everything immediately.
DARCI: I asked my son's permission to share a story because I got to put my own advice into action last fall. And he reminded me of Chris's story. My son was doing well. He was a student of the quarter, elected captain of his hockey team, seemed to be doing really well, and I recognize that there were some scratches on him. We have a really gentle cat and he said it was the cat that did it. And then I thought, something -- he seems okay, but something feels off. So I sat with him one night while he was drawing, which was great because we didn't have eye contact. Was that from the cat? Yep. Okay. Doesn't look like it was from the cat. It was me. Oh, was you? OK so I'm like, OK, well, this is different. What do I tell everyone else to do? It was my first experience with this at home and it led me to be able to ask some questions that were hard to have the answers to. So I was pretty direct. And what brought that on? And have you had thoughts of killing yourself? I have. Okay. So then, and again like Dr. Nordstrom said, I thought I'm going to get myself together, do my thing. It started to hit me emotionally. It's OK for him to see I'm a little sad. I took a break and had some tears to come back and compose myself, but in that story I asked him permission to share the story and I said, what did I do that was helpful in that situation? Nothing. That was like, okay, good. Maybe I asked it and I said, did I do anything that was helpful? No? Okay, great. That will be great material for me. And then I said, if I wouldn't have asked you, would you have told anyone? No. So I'm going to give myself some credit that I hung in there and asked him. He did say what was helpful is his therapist that we ended up connecting him with. So it was good to give him credit. And my kids sometimes will say, mom, you're sounding like a therapist, I'd like to talk to dad. So luckily they have an option in our household to go to one or the other. But when it comes to approaching, I think we've been talking a lot about empathy. The biggest thing with parent, child, teen, communication is pausing and listening and not juming. Our babies are hurting. We want, oh, our babies are hurting. We want to fix them. Right? We want to say, I can make it better or, I'm going to reassure you you're OK. It's going to be fine. All that does is doesn't validate their feelings. So once we're able to hear them, you don't have to be alone in that, and kind of just getting us back to being normalized, and then letting them know that. And when it comes to offering that help and support. So that my son got some help from a therapist, it's not you need help for this, but you deserve help. You deserve to feel better.
GREG: And sorry, two things I just want to reiterate with what you were saying is some of the best conversations that you can have with your kids are in the car, when you're driving somewhere and you're not having to look at each other, but you're sitting side by side or eavesdropping on your kids in the back seat. You get some really interesting stuff. And then the other thing is to not be afraid to ask that question, which is the scariest question in the world. Are you thinking of suicide? My wife and I train signs of suicide and we train all of our security people and our new staff in Boulder Valley. And that is one of the things we make them all ask a partner, because asking those words are terrifying because you don't want the answer. But if you ask the question, are you thinking of hurting yourself? Sometimes they're not thinking of hurting themselves. They're just thinking of ending it. And so asking that direct question, will get you that direct answer so you can move forward and support them.
ANNA: And I just want to add one thing too, also, because I feel like when you say your son said you didn't do anything. I hear a lot of parents, especially ones who reach out for help, put a lot of pressure on themselves to have the right answer and say the right thing and do the right thing. And I always like to remind them, like, keep in mind, like, all the things you're not doing wrong, like, you know, you could be. And that's because you're here. Like there are a lot of parents who aren't here, who refuse to have this conversation, who would say really hurtful things to their kids if they tried to talk to them, that their kids would say, I would never talk to my parent. And I think it's just really important to remind yourself, like you're still that person that they know cares. And if they choose to talk to you or something, you're there. So I like to remind parents, because a lot of times in this type of crowd tend to be parents who are putting a lot of pressure on themselves.
PATRICK: You cannot do it alone. Remember, nothing else tonight. No one can do it alone.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Patrick Gordon
Moderator
CEO, Rocky Mountain Health Plans, CO
PATRICK: I do love that sort of shift of the frame, which is, don't you deserve to feel better? Not you need something or there's a scarcity or an issue, but don't you deserve to feel better? And that is, that's a change. That's a cultural flip we all can lead. But a lot of parents are not in a situation like your families where you have professional training and years of experience and all sorts of internal dialogue going on. It can be scary and parents can't go it alone.
ANNA: Yeah so there is a really great resource page that Impact put together that I think would be a great place to start.
The Impact On Education website is shown. Text appears beside it.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Find Mental Health Support
ONSCREEN TEXT: Colorado Resources
for Student Well-Being
ONSCREEN TEXT: impactoneducaton.org/mental-health/
ANNA: But talking to your school, talking to a primary care doctor, a lot of people skip that step and go straight to, I think my kid needs a therapist. Start with your primary care doctor and your school counselor. The school interventionists can be really helpful as well if there's something more significant going on.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Anna Kim
Board Member, NAMI Boulder
ANNA: And then I just want to say, our system is still very fragmented, so we are working. Last year, Colorado passed a historic number of pieces of legislation to help with mental health. But we're still working on it. And so don't give up if you have to make 50 phone calls like that's the system we have right now, it will get better. But don't give up. Keep trying. Keep reaching out. Talk to other parents. Talk to each other. And I think you can find something. There is something out there like Jenna is saying, but might take you a little while to stumble across what's going to work for your family.
GREG: And please talk to the schools.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Greg McDonald
Wellness Center Counselor, Monarch High School
GREG: I mean, we, I have students that either meet virtually with their therapist and we can find them a room or sometimes a therapist comes into the schools and we can find them a quiet place to meet. So we will all work with you. Like we said, we're a team for our kids.
JENNA: And I think that is important to point out. Our therapists are allowed, they're allowed in BVSD schools. So those kids can be met.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Jenna Clinchard
Executive Director, Rise Against Suicide
JENNA: We're breaking those barriers. Right? There are so many barriers to mental health. I'm not sure if you all have noticed that, but there's a lot in the way. And part of our mission is to break that barrier. How do we meet the kids where they're at? Are we going to meet them at – are our therapists, going to meet them at schools? Are they going to meet them in the park? Are they going to meet them wherever, at the ice cream shop, wherever that person feels comfortable and they're going to be able to hear and get the help that they need.
DARCI: Yes, actually Colorado, right now we're working on grants for integrated behavioral health, being in primary care. Throughout Centura, we're in more than 60 clinics of primary care and women's health. And what that means is when you come to see your doctor and have a complaint, which actually, what Chris brought up, we do screen for depression, we screen for anxiety, we're doing that and encouraging system wide to be doing that at every visit because if it's not asked, we're not going to talk about it.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Darci Harvey
Director, Integrated Behavioral Health
Centura
DARCI: And when we get the question asked, oh, is this something people normally think? Okay. Now I can talk about this and I can get some help. So the integrated behavioral health model has licensed therapists right in the office. We're able to see patients sometimes at that moment. In a crisis moment, we pop out of our sessions and we see what's going on. How can we help you? We can see you usually within a week to set that up. We take all the insurances that the medical office takes, and this is growing throughout Colorado and actually throughout the United States as a system so that it is whole person care happening within primary care.
PATRICK: So we've got a couple of questions from the audience. These are direct from the audience. And again, these questions are interesting because they're kind of iterations on some of what we talked about, but it really is a barrier in its own right. So the first question from someone in the audience is, what do we ask our kids and how should we respond?
DARCI: Yeah, I think sometimes asking how you're doing is a good starter, but the more we know, the more questions we know to ask. How did that test go today? I heard prom’s coming up, is soand so still dating-- I mean being able to know the details a little bit of their life and recognizing, and what we overhear in the car we can kind of occasionally pick up on, or if a friend's over for dinner. But I think being able to ask a question beyond how is your day, how are you feeling, can help them go number one, oh, she's listening, she cares. And being able to go, yeah, actually it was really hard. That didn't go well. And what else? What else went well? We do sometimes at the dinner table, Roses and thorns. What was the best part of your day? What was the worst part of your day? And it's become a system. My sister in the audience, I got it from her family, but it's a great way to just kind of capitalize on this is what went well today and this is something that didn't go well. And when you start it at that young age, you start talking, it's part of our dialogue now.
ANNA: I just, can I add, because this is one of my favorite things, my son--that happened with my son when he was probably about 15 and I was doing exactly… I was thinking, OK, I want to talk to him about how he's doing. I said, so how was your day? And he goes, oh, when is this interrogation going to end? And I was like, OK, note to self, he doesn't want that question. But exactly what you're saying, it's like coming up from a different angle instead of just that straight. How is your day? And he is just. Anyway, I still laugh when I think about that, so thought I would share that.
JENNA: Well, in my family we do, what are we grateful for? What are we grateful for today? Just one thing. And even if they may not have that one thing, even if they say something that's not, that they're not grateful for, that still can start a conversation, you know, where their mind is, right. If they don't want the, how are you doing? Because I've had that as well.
PATRICK: Because that question has been asked for decades, for centuries. And today it's I don't know IDK. IDC. I don't care. Another question from the audience and this one will go to you, Greg. At different ages, parents, friends, teachers and coaches can have various influences on children's lives. How do we ensure those are a positive.
GREG: Yeah, I think the importance of being a role model and, and I would say owning our mistakes means modeling to our youth, that we're not perfect. Like, there have been times that I might, hopefully I'm not the only one, but, I might get frustrated with my kids, I might snap at them, and then I look at their face and I go, I am sorry. I just had a really bad day today. Did not mean to take it out on you. And seeing the difference that all of a sudden, my kids are like, OK, thanks dad. Our youth are smart. They can read, like our emotions. They know when we're trying to trick them. They know when we're saying something different, but we're not really following it, then just being real with them, being honest and and owning, owning things.
PATRICK: That can be the scariest thing in the world.
GREG: It sure can. And saying I'm sorry.
PATRICK: But it's important.
GREG: The two hardest words, I think, are to say I'm sorry and mean it.
ANNA: And I think just saying I don't know the answer, but let's figure it out together.
PATRICK: So last question for each of you. What's one final encouraging thought you have for our audience tonight? We'll start with you, Jenna.
JENNA: That, continue to connect. Just connect with kindness, with your kids and listen, even though it's so frustrating sometimes. Don't give up. Just keep moving forward with them and baby steps are wins. I took a lot of baby steps as wins, and eventually they'll talk to you. And they'll be present with you.
ANNA: And I think just, it gets better. Like, we tell our kids that, but I think it's true for parents, too. I've talked to many parents who have been through horrific journeys and they're in really great places and their loved one is, their kids are doing well. So there's always, always hope, no matter how bad it might seem in the moment.
DARCI: I think it's really important for us to remember that our kids need us, want us, and want us to be proud of them, even though our teenagers have a difficult way of showing it. And like Greg was saying, sometimes it's being pushed away and that's probably when they maybe need you most. So just making sure when they're little, it's easy. They’re calling, mom watch this, watch this. They still need that and they still want us to approve and be proud of them. So just not forgetting that and still being there for them, even though sometimes they're less likable.
JORDAN: This is an incredible generation that's coming up.
ONSCREEN TEXT: Jordan Goto
Health and Wellness Coordinator
Boulder Valley School District
JORDAN: And they are so strong and they are so resilient. And just don't forget that. They have a lot of strength and they will be okay, if we're okay. So we have to check in with ourselves.
GREG: And we are doing the best we can. Give yourself gratitude. Give yourself that forgiveness. If you make a mistake, it's okay. We're doing the best we can.
PATRICK: Some great insight, great conversation. Thank you all so much. Thank you for your work and your leadership and everything you bring to the community every single day. Very much appreciate it. And Thank you all.
The audience applauds. Ambient music plays. White text centers a colorful, geometric background.
ONSCREEN TEXT: IMPACT ON EDUCATION
Foundation for Boulder Valley Schools
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ONSCREEN TEXT: UnitedHealthcare
ONSCREEN TEXT: Comcast
ONSCREEN TEXT: The Colorado Health Foundation
ONSCREEN TEXT: Rocky Mountain Health Plans
A UnitedHealthcare Company
ONSCREEN TEXT: Centura
ONSCREEN TEXT: BVSD
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ONSCREEN TEXT: A COMMUNITY CONVERSATION:
SUPPORTING THE MENTAL HEALTH
OF OUR YOUTH
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ONSCREEN TEXT: COMCAST
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